You can call him now: voice and video calls in Messages

You've been talking for a week. The pictures are good, the messages are better, and Saturday is starting to look like a plan. Then comes the question every one of us has asked at some point: is he actually who he says he is?

Now you can find out the easy way. Real Kink Men has voice and video calls, one-on-one, right inside Messages.

Where to find it

Open any chat with someone you've been talking to. At the top, next to his name, there are two new buttons: a phone for a voice call and a camera for a video call. Tap one and his phone rings.

It works on the website, on the site saved to your home screen, and in the app. The call stays with you while you move around the site, so you can check his profile or his posts without hanging up. On a computer it shrinks to a small window you can drag out of the way.

Who can call

Starting a call is part of a membership:

• Voice calls start at Bronze
• Video calls start at Silver

Picking up is free for everyone. If a Gold member calls a free member, he answers like any other call. Only the person starting the call needs the membership.

Halfway through a voice call and want to see him? Tap Video. He gets a prompt to turn cameras on, and it's his choice whether the call becomes video or stays voice.

Calls you actually want

We built this for men who are already talking, not for strangers to ring you at 2am. So a few rules come with it:

• You've both said something first. A call button only works once each of you has sent at least one message in the chat. Nobody can cold-call you from your profile.
• One call at a time. If he's already on a call, yours won't ring. You'll see that he's busy and can try again later.
• No pestering. Three unanswered calls to the same person in an hour, and the caller has to wait before trying again.
• Blocking ends it. Block someone from the call screen and the call ends on the spot. Report is right there too.
• Nothing is recorded. A call is between the two of you and nobody else, us included.

You decide who can call you

Go to Settings → Privacy → Calls and pick one:

• Anyone I've talked to. Calls ring wherever you're signed in, and your phone gets a notification when you're away. This is where everyone starts.
• Only while I'm online. Calls ring only while you have the site or the app open. No notifications when you're away, so nothing wakes you up.
• Do not send calls to me. Nobody can call you, and that includes our own staff. Anyone who tries sees that you're not taking calls. You can still call other people.

Change it whenever you like. If someone tells you that you aren't taking calls and you forgot you switched it off, this is where you switch it back on.

On your phone

In the app, a call rings with a sound and vibration while the app is open. When it's closed, you get a notification. Tap it while it's still ringing and you go straight to Answer and Decline.

If you leave the app in the middle of a call, the other man sees that you've stepped out and that he's waiting for you to come back. Your camera pauses until you're back. We're working on the full iPhone call screen next, so calls ring on the lock screen like any other call and keep going while you switch apps.

A few tips

• Say hello first. A quick message before a call goes a long way. "Free for a call?" is all it takes.
• Agree on the camera. Not everyone is ready for video on the first call. Start with voice and let him tap Video when he's ready.
• A call is not a meet. A good call is a great sign, but it isn't a background check. Before you meet anyone, run through Meeting a man from the site: the safety checkup, step by step.

Open Messages, pick someone you've been talking to, and say hi out loud.

Ryan